Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, its your Dad cheating on your fat mum again.

Superman Returns. Took him a while, eh? And the wheelchair is no excuse, son.

I jest, of course. It’s a new Superman, played by a new actor innit! And praise be, he even looks a bit like The Reeve! And Kevin Spacey is in it! And the fit bird who looks a bit like Natalie Portman if you squint your eyes, but not much, who’s name no cunt ever remembers! Quids in, boys.

But is it any cop?

Yes, it fucking is. And then some.

It’s easily the finest film released so far this summer, and is so thrilling at points that you’ll be leaving the cinema with panties wetter than Christmas. I did. (I didn’t. I downloaded it, like a tramp. But I would’ve if I had two 50p’s to rub together, so I think you’ll find it still counts).

The performances are class, the story strong if not a huge leap from previous red-caped campy capers (try saying that after 22 ports), and the action-sequences (of which there are many) are superbly executed and look orgasmic.

I could go on, but why? You know the character, you know Spacey goes with sailors, so why harp on FFS? Plus I got 8 pizzas in the oven.

It’s great. Get oot and cunting see it.

Buffet Rating:

8/10